I hate days like this, because I feel like I'm wasting time by lying around, not doing anything. On the other hand, I have just about zero motivation to get up and do something. I feel this strange anxiety that I'm going to spend all my free time for the rest of my life sitting around, not accomplishing anything, and then when I look back I'll be disappointed with myself. This is silly, because most of the time I'm a very busy person - I fill up my free hours with Matt, friends, yoga, reading, etc. I just don't know how to quiet the voice that tells me that everything I do is a waste of time: yoga is a waste of time, writing is a waste of time, being around other people is just going to be difficult and will make me feel bad, and so on.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday is rarely a good day.
Today is a kind of blah day. I didn't sleep well, and what little sleep I did get was filled with anxiety dreams about work. I woke up feeling sad, like there was no point in getting out of bed, and it's a feeling that I haven't fully been able to shake. It's grey and snowy outside, and everyone in the house is pretty slow and quiet. I practiced for a little over an hour this morning, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to.